Eventually, I had to accept my loss each and every time. Accepting it did not mean it was ok. People confuse acceptance with the feeling that it must be ok or acceptable now. That’s not what acceptance was to me. It meant that I realized what happened and accepted I could not change it. I did not deny the reality anymore. The anger was gone and I realized no amount of bargaining was going to change what was.
To me, depression and acceptance resembled each other but were not the same. Depression was sadness. Acceptance I was sad but also healing and acknowledging what had happened. My mind and heart had processed the reality and while it was not ok I was able to accept it. I actually slept on it for a day. I just sat in calm and thought about everything. Once I could think about it I was able to plan what I needed to do to be able to live. With acceptance came a inner peace. A tragedy had occurred but I was able to take a step forward towards healing.