A few times on Facebook I have seen people post for their friends to leave one word for them to carry into the new year. I decided to jump on the bandwagon. The word that has been chosen for me is Becoming. And honestly, with the goals I have set for the New Year, this word is perfect. This year I am becoming the wife, mother, friend, and person I know I can be.
I love my husband more than anything.
We have been together thru him finding and losing his father, me losing my mom, a stillborn, and 4 miscarriages. We adopted 2 children one of which has severe mental health issues. So we have endured police visits, CPS investigations, psychiatrists, group therapy, him being inpatient in mental health facilities and pretty much everything else that comes along with a mental health diagnosis. We have been together when my husband was in a car wreck causing irreparable brain damage. He is alive and functioning and if you didn’t know him before you would never realize that his thought process is slower and that him struggling with minor depression is a new thing. I love him but I plan on becoming a better wife. I have always supported him and always been there but on reflection, I feel I need to become more.
My Wife Plan
- More one on one time. We are parents so let’s face it a lot of our time is dedicated to our children. I plan to change this. Every morning we will read 1 scripture together before we start our day and say a prayer together. I will make sure in the evening to get the children to bed on time so that we can have 1 hr to watch tv or just sit and be together. Also, a bi-weekly date night even if it’s just to the grocery store by ourselves.
- An I love you jar. I saw this idea on Facebook. Basically, it is an empty jar where you put reasons why you love them. At any time they can pull a reason out the jar for a reminder
- Expressing how I feel. I’m not an expressive person. My husband is very sentimental and enjoys affection. I like affection but I am not sentimental. I plan to leave my comfort zone and try to speak his love language more. Recently I ordered an I Love you book. It lets you customize it and you can list why you love someone. He got more a kick out of the effort I made than the actual book so I’ll call it a win
- A friend gave me an idea. I think I am a great wife but what matters is what my Adam thinks. So I took her advice and I asked him to do a project with me. Each of us wrote down 5 things we want to change about ourselves, 5 things we would like to see the other person work on, and 5 things we will work on together. Each week we will pick one thing to work on together. Then we will pick one from the other 2 lists without telling what it is. At the end of the week, we will see if the other person could tell what we were working on. If they can then obviously it was a success.
I love my children. I really do but I know there are things I need to change as a mother.They need to grow up feeling secure, loved, and independent. Heres my plan
- Letting my yes mean yes and my no mean no. Usually, I am good at this but I have noticed the kids have started trying to bargain. This needs to stop. If they lose a privilege they need to lose it. All of them are old enough to know rules and consequences and in real life, you don’t get to wash the baseboards to get your job back.
- More quality family time. We spend a lot of time together but most of it is at children’s activities, the drive-in, or watching tv. I plan to unplug quality time. There will be more board games, more hikes, and more family things where us interacting and talking is a part of it.
- Family study. We are a religious family. I plan to make sure we do our family study, make it to all our meetings, go out in service, and pray together.
- Celebrating their strengths. Each of my children is different. I know my 10 yr old is a straight A student, plays football, and excels at what he puts his mind to. I know my 15 yr old is an artist but struggles to connect to people. It is time for me to celebrate them and not compare or expect the same from each of them.
- Giving more individualized time. We do a lot as a family. I want to start setting time for each child to spend with the hubby and I on a 1 on 1 basis so that they see their importance to us as individuals.
I have amazing friends. The kind that has my back always and I know I could say I need you and they would be there no questions asked. I call them my sisters because that’s what they are to me. Their kids are my nieces and nephews and their spouses I consider my brothers. It’s time I let them know how much I value them.
- Setting more plans. We always say we are going to hang out but then life gets in the way. I am going to ensure I make time for them and life. My goal is one friend day, evening, time together per month if not more.
- They text all the time. Make sure I reply. I’m terrible at replying but I’m changing that.
I’m a good person. Sometimes too good. I have been hurt and taken advantage of and made to feel stupid many times. I don’t think that’s a bad thing on my part but I do think its time I took back me.
- Realize who my friends are. I try to be friends with everyone. I feel everyone deserves a chance. Some people I have given too many chances and others I have tried too hard to be what they wanted me to be. NO MORE. It’s not about being selfish or about being mean. It’s about valuing myself and loving me how I am. I know there is room for growth but I will no longer try to adapt to who I think someone wants me to be. They can love me for me or they don’t need to be around me. My true friends, my family love who I am. They see my strengths they know my faults and they accept them. They help me grow in a positive way and don’t expect me to pretend.
- Self-Care. I spend so much time helping others that sometimes I run on empty. I need to take time for me. This could be reading a book, going to paint night, or taking a nap. Recently I started wearing makeup and you know what I feel ten times better. I was pretty before but now I feel sexy! Just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I cant be sexy. I am taking back me even if it’s in yoga pants and a tank top my face and hair are da bomb!!
- Saying No and not feeling bad. I have the right to say no. I usually try to work it out for everyone even if it stresses me. Its time I learn to say no, mean it, and not feel guilty.
My word for this year is becoming. I will become the wife, mom, friend, and person I know I can be. It may be hard and there may be times I slide back but guess what I got this!!! What are your goals for this year?? Drop a comment I’d love to hear from you.