One thing I have learned is that I am a yeller. I try not to yell at my children but this is something I struggle with. I am still trying to learn to have patience and understanding with my children. It took something huge for me to really see from my child’s eyes why I need to be aware of my yelling. I need to be patient and train not only myself to not yell but my children to be receptive to another way of communicating. Even with my strong willed youngest child I learned that yelling was not effective in redirecting him. There had to be a different method of communication.
What Happened to Show me I Need to Stop Yelling at my Kids
The morning started out as one of those days. I woke up and everything just seemed like if it could go wrong it was going to go wrong. But I did what I always do. I pulled my big girl panties up and I kept it moving. My 10 yr old wanted to take his bike to school so he could ride to his friend’s house after. As he went to load it in my excursion the rear hatch comes crashing down and lands on the handlebar just perfectly to shatter my back window.
I immediately wanted to yell but as I looked up at him and made eye contact my heart stopped. My son looked so devastated that he had done this. With tears he said Mommy I’m sorry.
I could not bring myself to yell. I counted to 3, took a deep breath and was able to push my anger aside. Counting to 3 gave me the time I needed to process the situation. It allowed me to see the remorse he felt and realize it was a accident. If I had just yelled I would have missed the opportunity to allow him to remedy the situation. I gave him a hug and told him accidents happen and that’s what full coverage glass coverage is for. Then I went a step further I told him while I forgave him and understood accidents happen he had to clean it up. So he and I together swept it up and disposed of the remnants of my back window.
The Lesson
I did not need to yell at him to fix what happened. He was immediately remorseful. Yelling would have just made it worse. I realized that when I yelled my children shut down and stopped listening. Usually when a situation occurred it would be a hour long ordeal. This day there was a situation and a resolution within 30 min and no one was left feeling inadequate.
Later that day I got a text from my son. It said “Mommy I’m so sorry. Thank you for not being angry at me. I love you. I’m sorry and I hope you have a better day.” I realized my son could have gone to school feeling upset or hurt. He could have felt unsure all day or guilty. But instead, because I took a deep breath and counted to 3 before I responded he went to school recognizing he did something, confidence rebuilt because he fixed it the best he could, and confident that no matter what I loved him and it would all be ok.
What a sweet son you have! What an awesome mom you are! Great job for you and if something happens to me that’s equally as bad I hope I can count breath and count to 3 first! Great example of control, self restraint at the most important moment and hey I want some pie!
What a brutal day!! Your son and husband sound so sweet! And good on you for being able to recognize when you needed to take a deep breath. Well done mama!
Reading this post really made me feel so good. What a wonderful example of the count to 5 principle. You controlled things so well and your son is so much the better for it. More power to you.
I loved this story. Your family sounds so sweet. A reminder for me to have patience like you.
This is such a great post. We all need this reminder. AND way to go hubby with the coffee and pie!!! That’s so sweet.
It is so easy to react and not stop and take a deep breath. More often then not, if you react, you will say or do something that you will regret! Breathing and thinking through your reactions saves more hurt in the long run! Easier said than done sometimes!! I am glad your day was able to turn around.
Excellent advice. It’s important to step back and take a minute to breathe sometimes!
This is the sweetest! I need to remember to pause and breathe more often too!
A perfect example of parenting done right. It’s important that we control our reactions in order to teach meaningful lessons without being angry.
Lord knows I’ve had days like this. This is a reminder not only to act out when things go wrong but to also teach our children that you can handle situations without acting out. You both learned something that day! Good job mama!
I love how well this was put together. It was written exactly how it is being a mom. Some days you do need to count to 3 and breath!
Aww, mom of 3 boys, I totally understand those days, so glad your day got better and such a sweet boy you have
I am glad that you were able to be patient and gracious to your son, and that he, in turn, was able to be gracious and grateful to you too. Great story! Good advice for things that I have been dealing with as well.
You have such a sweet boy. You are blessed 🙂
Aww, you both reacted to an unforeseeable accident very well it seems. My youngest did not put on the wii remote strap around her wrist a few years back and while they were playing, she flung it to the new tv my hubby had just purchased a few months before and shattered it! It took every ounce of self control that night but she was very sorry and was an utter mess because of it. Needless to say, EVERYONE wore that strap from then on when playing games and now in her 20’s, we tease her about it jokingly 😉
Thank you for sharing this story. Your decision to show your son patience and love during a frustrating situation is beautiful and inspiring. Kiddos are always watching and learning from us. That was a great teaching moment. Cheers!
Your son and husband sound so sweet. Great advice!! I always forgot to take a deep breath.