One thing I have learned is that I am a yeller. I try not to yell at my children but this is something I struggle with. I am still trying to learn to have patience and understanding with my children. It took something huge for me to really see from my child’s eyes why I need to be aware of my yelling. I need to be patient and train not only myself to not yell but my children to be receptive to another way of communicating. Even with my strong willed youngest child I learned that yelling was not effective in redirecting him. There had to be a different method of communication.
What Happened to Show me I Need to Stop Yelling at my Kids
The morning started out as one of those days. I woke up and everything just seemed like if it could go wrong it was going to go wrong. But I did what I always do. I pulled my big girl panties up and I kept it moving. My 10 yr old wanted to take his bike to school so he could ride to his friend’s house after. As he went to load it in my excursion the rear hatch comes crashing down and lands on the handlebar just perfectly to shatter my back window.
I immediately wanted to yell but as I looked up at him and made eye contact my heart stopped. My son looked so devastated that he had done this. With tears he said Mommy I’m sorry.
I could not bring myself to yell. I counted to 3, took a deep breath and was able to push my anger aside. Counting to 3 gave me the time I needed to process the situation. It allowed me to see the remorse he felt and realize it was a accident. If I had just yelled I would have missed the opportunity to allow him to remedy the situation. I gave him a hug and told him accidents happen and that’s what full coverage glass coverage is for. Then I went a step further I told him while I forgave him and understood accidents happen he had to clean it up. So he and I together swept it up and disposed of the remnants of my back window.
I did not need to yell at him to fix what happened. He was immediately remorseful. Yelling would have just made it worse. I realized that when I yelled my children shut down and stopped listening. Usually when a situation occurred it would be a hour long ordeal. This day there was a situation and a resolution within 30 min and no one was left feeling inadequate.
Later that day I got a text from my son. It said “Mommy I’m so sorry. Thank you for not being angry at me. I love you. I’m sorry and I hope you have a better day.” I realized my son could have gone to school feeling upset or hurt. He could have felt unsure all day or guilty. But instead, because I took a deep breath and counted to 3 before I responded he went to school recognizing he did something, confidence rebuilt because he fixed it the best he could, and confident that no matter what I loved him and it would all be ok.