Being a boy mom is not a description it’s an experience. A life-altering, sometimes heart-stopping experience that I would not change for the world. Basically being a boy mom means being prepared for them to say anything, do anything, possibly destroy anything, hardly ever pee not on the toilet. Then at the end of it all give you a kiss, tell you that you’re beautiful and make your heart melt. There are days I wonder just how I am going to survive.If you have ever wondered then I have a treat for you. Here is my boy mom survival guide

Breakables

From being able to crawl until 18 possibly older you may as well prepare to put your breakables away or accept its going to get broken. Boys are rough. Being a boy mom means prepare yourself for some broken items. Even if you try to put it up high boys will climb right up just to touch what you said don’t touch.

Penis Talk

From the time they discover their penis to I’m just gonna say forever boys talk about, play with, and show off their penis. Let me tell you two stories about my son. 

I hear him yelling its long it’s moving. Since we live in AZ I’m thinking oh no there is a snake in the room. If anyone knows me personally one thing you know is I am terrified of snakes. I muster my courage and go running into my room. I am prepared to do battle to save my little love from the awful snake and there he is standing on the bed letting the fan blow on him and waving his penis wave around like a flag. Hero status deflated.

Fast forward 2 days later I’m asking to take a picture of him to send his Dad who is at work. I’m telling him to smile and to my bewilderment, he begins to take his clothes off. I’m like dude what are you doing His response with a smile take a pic of my penis. It’s so pretty!! Ummmmmm I had to take a moment to determine did my 4yr old just ask me to take a d*** pic? And the sad part was he stood there just as proud as can be with this look of expectation as I calmly explained I was not going to take a picture of his penis. 

Boys are very proud of their penises. They talk about them often. Prepare yourself.

Have Health Insurance

Boys have this part of their brain that says let’s do this. My 4 have done just about everything from riding their bike off the trampoline to jumping from the balcony to the roof of the garage.

My youngest one is on a face name basis with the local ER doctor. Our latest adventure involved him stabbing himself with his brother’s graphite pencil. How does a 4 yr old stab himself? He stabs himself when he attempts to poke is brother and misses.

Boys are just little miniature daredevils with no sense of self preservation. Invest in good health insurance and a first aid kit.

Legos/Minifigures

When you are a mom to boys prepare yourself for there to be Legos and minifigures everywhere. Where shoes at all times because there is no pain that compares to stepping on a Lego with bare feet.

Jewelry/Makeup

Makeup makes great paint. At least thats what each of my boys has thought at some point.  Jewelry can be rope or handcuffs for tying up the bad guys, a jump rope, and at one point a lasso to try and catch their younger brother who was pretending to be a goat. Hide your Jewelry. Boys are like ferrets and can’t resist the shiny stuff. If you value it hide it so it doesn’t become a toy.

Learn To Coupon

Boys eat alot. I don’t think my boys know the meaning of snack. A snack to them is a full size meal to every girl everywhere. Being a boy mom means prepare yourself to buy alot of groceries. Couponing or bankruptcy are really your only options.

And Then….

I’ve listed all the OMG boy mom tips. Now here is my favorite. You as their mom will always be their first love.  When you are feeling crummy or just overwhelmed prepare your heart for a well timed fart followed by a hug or a sticky kiss. As they get older the kisses may morph into a fist bump and a hug but either way it will fill your heart like no other love could.