Over the Rainbow

.My husband and I have been married for 13 yrs, and before we ever got married we knew we wanted to be parents. We wanted to foster and adopt but more than anything we wanted to have children also. We spoke about how many we wanted, names we liked, and how we would raise them. Little did we know how hard making our dream come true was going to be.

We are Going to Be Parents

We started trying about a year into our marriage. I can still remember my husband telling me he thought I was pregnant and the feeling when we confirmed we were expecting. No matter what those memories and those feelings stay with me. Just like I can remember the morning I was laying in bed and my water broke. To read about the losses my husband and I endured please read Pregnancy Loss and Healing. You will also find info on the grief cycles and on Healing.

Our Journey to the Rainbow

My husband lost weight and in my despair, I didn’t even notice he wasn’t eating. My mom noticed and she was the one who gave us the strength when we had none left. There was also a nurse who worked at my OB office and she reached out and offered support. I don’t know if we would have made it without her.

We tried again and 4 miscarriages later we were at the point of just giving up. We thought we would never be parents and then I was pregnant again. This time I was on bed rest. I remember each day being more stressful than the next and each milestone being approached with bated breath. When we went past 22 weeks we breathed and thought we made it. At 26 weeks I went to the ER and I told them something is wrong I can feel it. They assured me everything was fine and I went home.

And then it Happened

That next morning I woke up covered in fluid because once again my water broke. We had just moved literally the day before so didn’t even have our house phone unpacked. For some reason, I could not figure out how to use my cell phone. I waddled over to a neighbor I had not even met and he and his children called 911, my husband, and my mom. Then this man who I did not know came and sat with me holding my hand until the paramedics arrived.

The paramedics took me to the hospital where the doctor gave me magnesium to stop the labor, and then a steroid that would rapidly develop my son’s lungs.  I was then airlifted to a higher level hospital where they would give me more of this medicine over a course of 48 hours. Two days later as the doctor examined me he exclaimed I see a foot, and I was immediately prepped for surgery. We went in for c-section, and I remember lights surrounding me and the sound of a kitten.

Over the Rainbow

In my state, I did not realize that the kitten I heard was my son crying. My husband tells me that the doctors were franticallyOver the Rainbow  Over the Rainbow  trying to intubate our son, but he fought it so bad one of the doctors noticed it was choking him rather than helping. They removed the tube and realized that my 26-week champ was breathing on his own. That’s when they calmed and put a CPAP on him. Over the Rainbow  Apparently, my rainbow baby was stronger than even the doctors expected. Once I fully awakened from the medication and could move my legs I was allowed to go see him. When I saw him all I wanted to do was pick him up and hold him close but his skin was so thin to make sure we didn’t hurt him we could only touch the bottom of his foot or his palm of his hand.

I looked at my furry little 3-pound son and just knew he was mine and no matter what he and I were going to make it together. He was my rainbow baby. My miracle.  My Aidan (little fire) Nathanial (Gift from God). We stayed in the NICU at Phoenix Children’s for 2 months but the miracle of all miracles he never required oxygen or surgery. The most he needed was a CPAP at room air levels. He had a feeding tube because at his age he was not old enough to know how to suck swallow and breathe.

A Dream Achieved

Once he hit a month old we started teaching him how to nurse. He was a champ and quickly learned and afterOver the Rainbow  testing basically all of him and finding nothing wrong we were allowed to take our champion home.

From the start, he has been my heart. He has always been a fighter. He started so small but mighty in ways we didn’t even realize. So to all parents struggling through infertility or loss I say don’t give up and maybe your rainbow will come from someone else’s womb, or maybe it will come from your own but there is nothing more beautiful than holding your child after fearing you never would.

There will be days that you feel your dream will never happen but hold onto your faith.

I have said thank you to the doctors and NICU nurses multiple times for the care my family was shown. I remember walking into my son’s room and a nurse was talking to him and loving him like he was her own. It always stayed with me that these nurses cared about my child.

My son is 10 now and is everything a mom could want in a son. There are times I look at him and I just know he is my rainbow baby, my light at the end of a dark time, my heart, my everything.Over the Rainbow

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48 Comments

  1. November 5, 2017 / 10:15 pm

    Oh my heart aches for all your pain but rejoices with all your happiness now. What a handsome man you have. Enjoy every second with him!

    • November 6, 2017 / 8:02 pm

      Thank you!! Im pretty proud of him. He has had his struggles but gained strength from it. I enjoy every moment of watching him become who he is destined to be.

  2. audriaallred
    November 6, 2017 / 4:48 pm

    What a cute bug! I had 3 NICU babies so I know a piece of the struggle. I’m so sorry for your losses and so thankful you got a rainbow!

  3. November 6, 2017 / 5:39 pm

    HUGS! You both are fighters; thank you for sharing your story. I swear, NICU nurses are special kind of angels. My oldest (also a rainbow baby) spent five days in the NICU for spesis. We had one nurse that was absolutely amazing during a hard and confusing time. She helped advocate my wishes when I couldn’t myself.

    • November 6, 2017 / 11:13 pm

      Thanks 🙂 NICU nurses and doctors are pretty much superheros in my book. They give so much and most of the time before you even realize you need it.

  4. November 6, 2017 / 6:22 pm

    Aiden is amazing! So handsome and such a fighter. I’m so sorry for your losses and heartbreak. I had my twins at 25 weeks, 5 days, so I know the struggle of prematurity and the NICU. That is amazing that he didn’t need the ventilator! Thank you so much for sharing your story!

    • November 6, 2017 / 11:12 pm

      Thank you for taking the time to read about my guy! I went and checked out yours also. Amazing NICU information you have.

  5. November 7, 2017 / 2:13 am

    Oh my goodness, I cannot even imagine how hard and scary that had to be. So thankful that your son is so healthy now.

    • November 7, 2017 / 2:52 am

      It was scary for sure but so worth it when he came home. Thank you so much for reading our story

  6. November 7, 2017 / 7:17 am

    Wow…
    Your writing skills are great. But I sorry to read to painful story. Heart longs for my baby boy when I see someone feeling pain.
    You are brave.
    Remember: Arise. Awake. And stop not till the goal is reached. _ Swami Vivekanand.

  7. November 7, 2017 / 11:34 am

    I never understood people who didn’t want kids. They are just so wonderful and it is a love like no other. Loved your story about your son.

  8. November 7, 2017 / 3:03 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know that it couldn’t have been easy for you, but it was very powerful and moving and I feel grateful to have read it.

  9. November 7, 2017 / 8:45 pm

    I congratulate you on the wonderful article. You feel good about me

  10. November 7, 2017 / 8:56 pm

    Aww! You’re such a strong woman and he is so cute. Thanks for sharing

  11. November 7, 2017 / 9:26 pm

    You’re so strong and you’re son is so handsome. GLad to see you are both healthy and happy!

    • November 15, 2017 / 10:53 pm

      Thank you I think he’s pretty handsome too Growing up much too fast lol

  12. November 8, 2017 / 3:02 pm

    This is such a beautiful story. My heart breaks for your miscarriages but it sounds like your son is everything you needed. Thanks for sharing.

  13. November 8, 2017 / 3:25 pm

    Goosebumps reading this story – what an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing this story. If you ever want to, I would love to have you guest post on my blog about the journey you have went through. This is so inspiring.

  14. November 8, 2017 / 10:02 pm

    Oh my goodness what a journey you’ve had. Thank you for sharing it with us. You have a beautiful family x

  15. November 9, 2017 / 12:29 am

    Wow, what an incredible journey. I’m glad that Aidan is thriving now!

  16. November 9, 2017 / 1:18 pm

    How special! What a little miracle, enjoy and soak up every minute.
    -Ashley

  17. November 9, 2017 / 4:57 pm

    Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your story! Bawling like a baby over here. So glad you have your rainbow!

    • November 15, 2017 / 10:54 pm

      Thank you for reading our story. Big hugs to you.

  18. Shell
    November 9, 2017 / 5:21 pm

    I had a NICU baby so I absolutely relate to you and your story….

  19. November 9, 2017 / 8:29 pm

    Wow what a great story! My twin cousins were in the NICU and we didnt get to meet them for weeks as they grew. Now they are 25 and the the biggest troublemakers. Happy to see your baby healthy and happy!

  20. November 10, 2017 / 3:43 am

    I was so touched to read your story that I had tears in my eyes. You are brave and your son is brave and may God bless your family with happiness and strength 🙂

  21. mymommaheart
    November 10, 2017 / 10:09 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it can be so very hard, but know that it helps others not feel alone and be able to speak about it, too.

  22. November 13, 2017 / 2:38 pm

    What a big story for such a little guy. I can’t imagine this despair and the amazing joy it ultimately has brought for you and your husband. Congratulations.

  23. Joline
    November 14, 2017 / 1:04 pm

    What a journey you’ve been on. And yes, a rainbow is so appropriate. He is precious!

  24. November 14, 2017 / 1:56 pm

    Seriously, the most touching post I’ve read in a few days. I myself had two miscarriages but to think of this many losses, especially in the beginning, would have sent me spiraling. Your story is encouraging and so faith strengthening to the many women who go thru these ordeals. Never, ever give up!

  25. November 14, 2017 / 2:11 pm

    You are absolutely remarkable. Thank you for sharing your story with us- your strength and honesty are incredible gifts. Congratulations on having such a sweet and healthy son.

  26. theclutterboxblog
    November 14, 2017 / 7:44 pm

    Your story is so sad but there’s so much happiness shared in the end. What an amazing journey and happy birthday to your son.

  27. November 14, 2017 / 7:56 pm

    What a brave story. Your little one is so cute!

  28. November 14, 2017 / 9:55 pm

    Oh, I love this! What a beautiful moving story. I am so glad the journey continues to flow into blessings of joy and peace. He is one handsome guy!

  29. November 14, 2017 / 11:32 pm

    You have been through too much. I am so glad you got your little guy and that he is healthy now. We are originally from phoenix, Steelers fans and have a niece who was born prematurely at 5 months so I made many connections to your story.

  30. November 15, 2017 / 1:55 am

    I can’t help my self crying alone at home. You are so strong and amazing mom. You are truly blessed. I do believe in miracle. Thank you for sharing your story.

  31. Stephanie | You Are My Son Shine
    November 15, 2017 / 2:49 am

    Oh my gosh, this is such an amazing story in so many ways. Amazing that you are able to share the story with everyone. Amazing that you can see where the heartache has brought you. Amazing that you were finally able to have your strong and beautiful son. I can’t even imagine the heartache you went through and wish that on no one. Lots of love momma, you have a handsome young man there.

  32. Jack bransson
    November 15, 2017 / 8:02 am

    Wow, that’s awesome, you guys must be lucky to have each other and be together, Hope you guys be forever together 🙂

  33. brandidcrawfordgmailcom
    November 15, 2017 / 2:16 pm

    What a great story with a wonderful ending. Your photos are so adorable.

  34. November 15, 2017 / 7:49 pm

    So touched with this story. You are amazingly strong. I had 2 miscarriages one was my 1st pregnancy
    and the other was between other children never in a row. I’m glad everything worked out for your family. So happy to see your beautiful son at the end of this post.

  35. November 16, 2017 / 10:55 pm

    This is so teary eyes You both are so brave. I dont know if i can be as brave as you are if this happens to me.

  36. Linh
    November 18, 2017 / 8:25 am

    You’ve come through so many hardships. Now you have your own miraculous son and that’s amazing! Your story is so meaningful!

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